Random Thoughts

Starting this year my writing frequency went significantly down. Last year I wrote 70 posts. This year we are in April and this is my 9th post. Assuming uniformed distribution of posts and no growth in the number of posts, this should be my 18th post.

The main reason of this is I moved to a new apartment. I had no desk for three months and this cut my habit of writing. This even impacted my ability to write on mobile although almost 30-50% of my writing happens on mobile.

I don’t have a rhythm or schedule for writing. I write whenever I feel comfortable. I also don’t care about quantity vs quality. I am just trying to build a habit of writing because it has multiple benefits.

It is a form of therapy especially for an extroverted person such as myself. It improves my communication skills, since the more I write, the more mistakes I commit, and the better I get at it. It helps me meet new people, I sometimes get contacted by people because they read something I wrote. And it has some career benefits even though the blog is not 100% about my professional life.

I recently wrote about loneliness and its impact on productivity specially for newly migrated workers. I am working in an international environment and I can see it among almost everyone. I don’t know why no one is talking about it enough. I didn’t finish my thoughts and ended up not publishing the post. The tl;dr version is that if I have a company with internationals, I will make sure to track their loneliness, I argue this is one of the biggest factors of low performance/high attrition for newcomers from abroad. I hope to see some studies about it or someone talking openly about it.

I recently finished two books “Sapiens”, and “Ready Player One”.

I liked Sapiens a lot. It was shocking in some areas. I liked how Harari mixed fundamental theories of how history progressed with well known stories and modern day examples. This made the book easy to read, however it made it time bound. The book will be obsolete in 10-20 years. Another problem with the book is he mocks almost every religion in a relatively disrespectful way. My Muslim friends said he is biased against Muslims, when I read it carefully, I found he is biased against everyone. However, he never mentions the Jews or the Jewish religion sarcastically as he did with the rest. My hypothesis is he had to be politically correct since he is Isareli and the book is originally written in Hebrew, otherwise my friends are right and he is biased against certain religions.

Ready player one is the first English fiction book I read. I tried with other fiction books but got bored quickly. It was easier to finish this because it was about a dystopian technological world, which is highly relevant to my interests in technology. If you have fiction book recommendations, shoot them along my way.

As you saw in the title, this post is about random thoughts. I wrote to it to try to get back to my writing habit without thinking too much of a post’s content. Now you have reached the end. Until next post.

Sympathy, empathy, and compassion

This morning I was thinking about empathy, it was triggered by a call I had with a friend yesterday where I could’ve been more empathetic. This made me also think about sympathy, and compassion.

I tried to think of my definitions of the three.

Sympathy is about identifying the existence and causality of feelings.

Empathy is having feelings because of someone else’s feelings.

Compassion is taking action/saying something to ease the pain.

LinkedIn Closed Networker

People who add/accept anyone on LinkedIn (LION) to increase their reach might be doing it wrong. The way feed algorithms work – in principle – is they show your post to few of your connections, if they interact with it, the algorithm boosts it to more connections, and so on until it becomes viral, dies, or get replaced by other more viral content.

Unless your content is inherently viral, a big factor of people interacting with your content is them knowing you. Having a big network where you don’t really know the majority decreases the chance of your posts getting to someone who actually knows you in the initial phase, hence decreasing chances of interaction, which leads to lower virality and eventually less reach.

I am curious to see if LinkedIn data matches my argument (people with more connections, get less interaction on their posts).

Company Management AMA

Most management ask me anything sessions end up becoming HR (compensation, performance, promotions…etc) ask me anything sessions.

Most of the answers in those sessions become expected model answers, which sometimes make me want to ask the person who asked the question “What answer did you expect?”.

Question upvoting systems have benefits like organizing thoughts and anonymity, however since HR type questions are relevant for everyone, they are more likely to get upvoted and hence hijacking the session.

If I am part of a management AMA, I would split the session in parts, part democracy, and part where I pick interesting/random questions to answer, this way I might be able make the session less boring for those who seek an unknown, while addressing frequently asked questions.

Listening through questions

As humans we have a tendency to make our questions reflect our own biases. This results in asking close ended questions, or open questions followed by leading examples that reflect our biases. And it is tempting.

The problem with such questions is they don’t make us keep an open mind, because we are expecting a specific answer. They also might trigger defensiveness in the other person, since the leading examples/closeness in those questions strongly show the bias.

Recently I am adopting those techniques in my questions. Try doing this for few weeks, it becomes natural after.

  • Make your questions open. Shut up. Don’t explain. You would be surprised by the answers you get. Also many times people misunderstand the question, still don’t explain, ask a different open ended one. This will make you get better.
  • Don’t ask “Why?”. I used to ask why so many times and I discovered it intimidates people specially in stressful situations. My “Why?” questions are all becoming “What makes you say/do so?” or “What are the reasons?”. People feel less threatened. Try it.
  • Smile.

What are you optimizing for?

Recently this is becoming one of my most favorite questions. Whether it is product or life, knowing what someone is optimizing for is key to making the right decision.

I start to feel wary when people give me multiple contradicting answers. Optimizing for multiple things in the opposite direction ends up with nothing, or at best with something mediocre.

Everything carries a risk, and our brains try to protect us by telling us not to let go of what we already have, which leads to “try to do everything” syndrome, or loss aversion at all costs.

Breakthroughs only happen by exploring new territories, and failures are data points for next steps.

Never Split the Difference

One of the books I finished recently is “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It” by Chris Voss. He used to lead the FBI’s international hostage negotiation team. In the book he gives his best negotiation advice having spent a career negotiating people’s lives.

Negotiation is hard. I once tried reading “Getting to yes”. I couldn’t get beyond chapter 1. It was following a typical rational process while the reality of a negotiation is much more irrational and complex.

I liked the mental model Chris created for negotiations. The model has basic principles, supported by tactics to help you achieve the negotiation goals, without diverting from the principles.

Some of the principles

  • Great negotiators go in with a sit of hypotheses about the counterpart’s desires and emotions. They try to validate these hypotheses throughout the negotiation process, and discover black swans.
  • The problem is the issue, not the person behind the table.
  • Be willing to walk away. No deal is better than a bad deal.

As for the tactics, for every tactic he explained the psychological basis for it. This make things easier as it made me understand the why behind each of the them.

What I didn’t like about the book is it could’ve been better organized.

I listened to it more than 5 times and was taking notes. Some of the topics were repetitive, and some chapters had a lengthy introduction (sometimes more than half of the chapter) before going into the core of the topic.

Some important topics were just mentioned between the lines (like when and how to shake the other party), sometimes out of context with no proper introduction like the other tactics.

In general it is my best read of 2017. I highly recommend it.

What people miss when evaluating their year

Almost everyone I know is reflecting on the year ending today. Most of them think it wasn’t good.

I beg to differ. Not because I had a fantastic year, that’s not true. I had my share of stress and bad days. I just don’t measure my year this way.

“I view myself as a piece of software, today’s version must be better than yesterday’s version, because there is a cliche life is too short why live the same day twice, and tomorrow’s version has to be better than today’s.

Even though I make mistakes, the mistakes are important opportunity to learn. So you can imagine the software will have more ‘if statements’, so that when similar situations happen, you will avoid those.” – Qi Lu, Ex-Microsoft veteran and the current  Baidu COO

That last statement by Qi is how I measure my year.

Most of the people I know are not happy by the year’s results because they look at individual events, rather than looking at the number of learnings or the number of added ‘if statements’.

Another point people miss when evaluating the year is the fact that most success in life comes from compounding. That’s why one year is both too long and too short. It takes time to see the results of today’s investments. Be patient.

Now, look at this ending year and ask yourself “How many ‘if statements’ did I add?”. It is more than you think.

Happy New Year!

You are naive

A friend of mine recently said “I decided to be naive” . My answer was “You are naive”.

Naivete is about knowing unknown unknowns. Unknown unknowns are things you don’t know, and you don’t know that you don’t know them.

The naive kid who touches fire doesn’t know heat exists, and it hurts. And the naive entrepreneur who starts a business doesn’t know how bad things could get until they do.

When we find out those unknown unknowns, we realize how naive we were when we didn’t know they might exist.

Naivete has two interesting characteristics: It is always present, but only realized in hindsight.

There are always unknown unknowns, and because they are unknown unknowns, we can’t find them out, because we don’t know what to search for. This is what makes naivete always present.

And when we realize the unknown unknowns, their state changes from unknown unknowns to a different state. Only then we realize how naive we “were”, which is why we can’t relize naivete in the present. This realization only happens in hindsight.

You might think standing still protects from your naivete by avoiding unknown unknowns. This is a common fallacy, because you might realize your inaction was a result of your naivete trying to avoid consequences that were only in your head. Again, another example of not knowing unknown unknowns.

I hope I could explain what’s on my head. It is a bit hard to wrap your head around it let alone writing it down.

What you don’t know that you don’t know?